There's Plenty More Where He Came From

Things are supposed to be getting better. I have to try to stay in that mindset, but there have been setbacks. I am stubborn and can be very rigid in my thoughts and actions. But I was so open to this idea of change, and now I feel like there are too many corners to try to turn. I wish I could move to a round house!

I went to an all-girl Catholic high school. It was a source of financial stress for my parents as well as myself. I was allowed to go to that school as long as I promised to get and hold a job to pay for it myself. I did. I just really wanted to try something that no one would have expected of me at the time. So my idea was to stay away from places where there would be boys. Little did I know, boys loved to hang around all-girl Catholic high schools.

After graduating from grammar school, I spent the summer working during the day, and hanging out with my friends in the park at night. There was the experimental drinking and different "couplings" going on, but mostly, I just wanted to enjoy the freedom of not having to think too much about what I was going to do in September when high school started.

There was a boy that I thought was so cute back in school, but he was two years younger than me and I knew I would have been teased mercilessly if I tried to go after him, so I did the next best thing. I started to date his brother. We had gone to school together since at least first grade, and I had never noticed him until graduation. How sad and stuck up is that? But I let my intentions be known and he was all for it. DG and I became an item that summer and continued to be an item up through the beginning of our senior year.

Oh, don't fool yourself into thinking that I was committed in any way. He had football camp during the summer, so I amused myself with other guys while he was so busy. One time, at a party, I actually made out with his brother (yep...the same one that was two years younger than me) in my best friend's parent's bedroom. There were the carnival workers, the lifeguards from the beach where I worked, the older guy that worked at a factory, and the guy in the "gang" called TCB (The Chicago Basement). At that time in my life, I was a "boy hoarder". I couldn't get enough of them. I thought boys were so much fun because I felt I was superior to them on so many levels. They were like pets to me. And if one of them bugged out, there were always plenty more where he came from.

And poor, DG; he had no clue of what was going on while he was away. But he'd come back from camp, and we would go right back to being "boyfriend and girlfriend" like nothing was ever going to change. Until it did.