Hoarding Headaches

Okay, so I've been working (a little) to try to make some sense out of this mess that is my house. I've made (a little) progress. I've thrown away (a little) garbage, recycled (a LOT) of paper, and I have even decided to get rid of everything that doesn't fit the image I have in my head of what I want the house to look like. But I just got a terrible headache and it is because I went (a little) too gung ho on a recent project.

I started selling Avon in June. It's cool. Although, I think I've bought a lot more than I've sold. It's true. I am my own best customer. I don't even wear make up. But I have to try new things in order to be able to sell them. Anyway, I've done seven campaigns so far. And in typical hoarder fashion, I was stacking all of the boxes from my orders in a space in the sun room off of the living room. I looked at it one day last week and realized there was a better way to handle the mess. I went through everything, put all of the paperwork that I needed like invoices, training manuals, one of each of the old campaign catalogs for reference, stuff like that in one box. In another box, I put all of the extra products that I have to sell directly to clients. And in the last box, all of the current paperwork for the next two upcoming campaigns. Nice, right? Not so much today.

I went onto my website from a different computer which meant that I needed to put in my account number and password instead of just getting onto the site from my computer where it is automatically entered for me. I started looking around for the box that I have all of my original paperwork in so that I could get the number and HOLY SHIT!, it's not here anywhere! That's when the headache started. I had put everything back into two Avon boxes. I also put all of the aforementioned recyclable paper into two of the other empty Avon boxes. I was so excited to have Pete take the boxes out to the recycle bin that I inadvertently gave him the box with the stuff that I needed to save. It is a hoarders nightmare!

One of the fears that I have as a hoarder is that I am afraid that if I give up something willingly, somehow some day I am going to need it for something. Case in point, all of my damn paperwork! How am I going to go and sort through anything without fear of throwing the wrong thing away now? I am making myself sick over this stupid error. But am I supposed to just laugh it off and say, "OMG...hahaha...I'm such an idiot...hahaha!"? Shit! I NEED that stuff!

I wonder what my therapist will say. I'm sure she'll ask me what my anxiety level was on a scale of 1 to 10. (It's an 11, by the way.) I mean, this isn't just some broken toy or a ripped up book or a set of New Kids on the Block bed sheets (which are going in the yard sale...maybe). This is my work! Arrrggggg...I can't breathe! I am never going to throw anything away again!